Side - Prelude 1

Preludes story starts three weeks after Lilly's fall

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~ Outta My Head ~

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I feel like my life has been turned upside down.

I sat up in bed quickly trying to catch my breath, I'm sweating and my heart is racing, the bitch is in my head and I can't get her out of it, she is even tormenting my dreams.

How am I supposed to feel about the woman who tried to fade my sister and has left her in a coma.   The woman who faded Cosmic and my unborn nephew, the woman who slashed up Ice's face, the woman who tried to fade Alpine and me - for berry's sake she nearly faded me - then she screws me over just to get at my sister.

I should hate her - but I can't - and it's driving me insane.

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I'm driving and my phone starts ringing so I ignore it.  I am already not in the best of moods after a huge bust up with Affair - now that he is a teenager he is getting an attitude and is refusing to see or even have anything to do with Violet.  I suppose I can't blame him, she has never wanted to have anything to do with him, she has never been any sort of a mother to him, Lilly has been more of a mother to him than Violet has, and Affair is really cut up at the moment over Lilly being in a coma.

Me and Violet are never getting back together, we are never going to be the family I wanted us to be.  Our usual weekend visit to see Violet and Whisteria has turned into me just visiting and Affair stays at home with Mango.

My phone starts ringing for the third time and I'm slowly losing my temper because its irritating me.  Then I thought about Lilly and swore at myself, I'm ignoring my phone and it could be important, whoever is phoning is pretty persistant.  I spotted a small dive bar coming up a head of me so I pulled into the carpark to answer my phone just to shut it up and put my mind at rest.  I threw open the car door and snapped my phone open answering it without checking to see who it is.

"HELLO"  I snapped quite angrily down the phone.

"Prelude, please don't put the phone down, I need to talk to you."  the voice spoke back to me ........ Manderine or do I call her Lime now??  How is she even phoning me anyway????
Bitch I'm already struggling to get her out of my head!!

"What do you want L I M E ?"

"I'm sorry"  she said and I nearly laughed

"Sorry!!??  You're Sorry!!??  What particular offense are we talking about here??  You have a whole list of things to be sorry for - and I don't think Sorry will ever quite cut it - do you!!"

"If I send you a visiting order will you come and see me?"  the brass neck of the woman!!

"NO WAY!!!! What would I want to come and see you for - how are you even phoning me anyway - you are in prison - oh wait - I guess you would be screwing a prison guard to get to a phone!!"  Thinking back to what she did to me.


She laughed  "No silly, we get phone cards, I could ring you ever day if you wanted me to."

"Do me a favour - just DON'T!!!!  I want to forget about you as soon as possible, but its pretty hard when my sister is lying in a coma and my little brother thinks its all my fault - thank's to you!!"

"How is the freak anyway??"

"AAAWWW - just get lost bitch!!!!!"  I yelled down the phone then switched it off.

I just stood there for a few minutes a little dumbfounded, what felt like a hundred different emotions running through me - just hearing her voice has knocked me stupid.

I threw my phone into the car, slammed the door, locked the car and headed into the dive bar.  Now I'm well and truly wound up fighting with all the different emotions running through me. I just hope nobody looks at me in the wrong way in here because I'm just in the mood for smacking someone.  I need to calm myself down before I get to Violets or she will never let me in and I'll end up staying at my parents house and only getting to see Wisteria for a few hours.

I'm actually relieved when I walk into the dive bar to find it's empty.  I sat down at the bar and ordered my first drink.  I swore I'd never drink again, but I needed it to calm me down - Manderine gets to me.

Four drinks later I strolled out of the dive bar - it's starting to get dark and I needed to get a move on, it will be late now by the time I get to Violets, that alone will probably send her off on one.  When I got into the car I picked up my phone thinking I should maybe phone Violet and let her know I'm running late. Flashing on the screen is 6 missed calls from the same number.  I laughed thinking, being in prison I suppose Manderine has nothing better to do now than to harass me, maybe I should think about getting a new sim card.  While I am sat looking at the flashing missed calls the phone started ringing again, the same number flashing up on the phone screen.  I got out of the car and answered it.

"What exactly do you want from me Manderine???"

"I want to see you - I need to see you - I'm going crazy in this place!!!"  She said and I can tell from her voice she actually sounded upset.


"And who's fault is that - you've only got yourself to blame honey - but I don't see what you think I can do about your craziness, you are just going to have to get used to it - you're in there for the rest of your life, especially if Lilly fades." 

"I know its my own fault, but the boredom is not what I'm on about, I'm on about us."  she said

"Us?  There is no us!!  What are you on about?"

"I think you know as well as I do exactly what I'm on about ........ I can't get you out of my head no more than you can get me out of your head - I'm right aren't I!!"

"Look Manderine I don't know what game you are trying to play here .............."

"Prelude I'm not playing games ......... I love you."

"BITCH!!  Don't even go there!!!"  I yelled down the phone before I turned it off and snapped it shut - that woman is not capable of loving anyone but herself!!!

What is she trying to do to me - send me totally cuckoo??!!  I'm half tempted to go straight back into the dive bar and just get legless, but I can't, Its been nearly a month since I've seen my daughter, and Violet, well I have plans for Violet.

As I climbed into the car I threw my phone back onto the passenger seat, thinking that's where it is staying for the whole weekend, I don't want Violet getting wind of this and hopefully this weekend with Violets help I can get Manderine out of my head and I'm not going to do that if she keeps phoning me.

It was a lot later than normal when I got to Violets, I hadn't got round to phoning her so I am expecting a fight.   For once she actually looked pleased to see me.  She threw her arms around me,  "I thought you weren't coming, I've missed you!!"  she said much to my relief so I started kissing her.

"You've been drinking!!"  she said stepping back and started to back away from me, that old familiar look of fear on her face - in the past I probably would have layed into her by now physically and verbally - thinking back I really don't know how this woman can still say she loves me after everything I've done to her in the past.

"Don't panic I only had a couple, and I'm fine  - see."  I smiled at her  "Now come here!!"  I grabbed her and started kissing her again, at first she was rigid but she soon started to relax in my arms.

We have the strangest relationship - a little like having a "friend with benefits"  we are not actually together but we sleep together - we don't ask each other about what goes on in our lives during the week, at weekends it's our time and this is the best we are every going to get.

Im kissing Violet and suddenly it felt all wrong - the bitch popped into my head - I've got my eyes closed and my mind switches, in my head I'm kissing Manderine not Violet.

Suddenly I felt a pair of hands pushing me away - my head snapped back to reality and I stand there staring at Violet and feeling a little confused.

"You're doing it again!!!"  she snapped  "You know I hate it when you get rough!!!!"

"Vi, I'm Sorry!!  I've missed you!!"  I lied, I needed to defuse the situation, the last thing I want to do is upset Violet this weekend, I need her to help me sort my head out.  "Make me something to eat will you Vi, I'm starving!!"  she tutted at me then walked off into the kitchen.

I followed her into the kitchen and sat down at the table wandering what the hell had just happened in my head.  It has been three weeks since Lilly's fall down the stairs and the first time I've seen Violet since I'd been with Manderine.  Now I'm scared - some how I know just from one kiss Violet is never going to be enough for me anymore. 

"Where is Wisty?"  I asked her after she had put the plates of food on the table and sat down.  Just looking at the food in front of me reminded me I really didn't miss Violets cooking at all. Not that there is any cooking involved in a plate of salad but she still manages to mess it up somehow.


"She's out with her boyfriend, she'll be back at 11pm"  I nearly chocked on the food that I'd just put into my mouth.

"BOYFRIEND!!!!  She's not old enough to have a boyfriend!!"

"Oh don't you start - I've had all this from your Dad, and like i told him - at her age we were engaged - so you can just leave her alone - he's a really nice boy" she snapped

"Yeah, engaged and doing .... you know what - that's what worries me and look how we ended up - kids too young and divorced before we were even old enough to know what we were doing!!"

"Just eat and shut up!!  You leave me to look after Wisty and I'll leave you to look after Affair."  she suddenly started laughing  "Do you remember that time when Lilly walked in on us??!!"

"Shut up Vi - that isn't even funny!!!"  I snapped nastily at her.

We ate the rest of our meal in silence, she had just rattled me - just that though that my daughter might be doing these things already, but mainly, I sat reliving what I'd done to Lilly, I beat her up and gave her a black eye and bruised all her face, I was a teenager and she was still just a small child - because of that she was sent away - sent away to that school.  If she hadn't gone to that school she would never have met Manderine and she wouldn't be lying in a coma now.

 Thinking about it now reminds me that I'm just as bad as and no better than Manderine!!!!


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I can't do this, it just doesn't feel right!!  Violet is  running her hands down my back and she's actually making my skin crawl - what is wrong with me!!??  I've never felt like this before.

I closed my eyes hoping it would help and straight away the bitch is there in my head again, my head snaps and it's Manderine I'm kissing again in my head, I can feel myself starting to go crazy

Violet started screaming at me  "Prelude get off me!!"  she pushed me away from her.  When my mind snapped back to reality and its Violet there and not Manderine  I'm glad that she's stopped it from going any further, I dread to think of what I might have done to her.  We both scrambled off the bed.

"What is wrong with you - you are being too rough again!!!!   You just called me Manderine - who the Fudge is Manderine??!!"

Oh Fudge!!!  Busted!!!

"You've been sleeping with someone else haven't you!!??"  she started yelling at me  "and I bet she likes it rough doesn't she!!"  she started throwing my clothes at me   "Get out!!!  You're disgusting - GET OUT!!!!"

"STOP YOUR YELLING ..... I'm going ..... I can't do this anymore Vi .... you and me, it just doesn't work .....it never has ..... and it's sleeping with Manderine that's helped me realize!!" 

"You said you loved me."  she started sniveling

"Well I don't .... I thought I did  ... I don't love you any more - We shouldn't be doing this - its all  wrong!!"  I stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind me, more angry with myself for being stupid enough to think that one weekend with Violet was ever going to cure my problem.

I leaned against the wall trying to get my head together - did I really just say that to her?  The second I thought it it just spilled out of my mouth.  Now what have I done?!

I hadn't noticed that Wisteria is stood there watching me.

"Dad?  What's all the shouting for, why do you and Mom have to keep arguing?"

"Wisty there won't be any more arguing - we're done - pack your bags you are coming to stay with me for a few weeks seeing as you're on school holiday you can spend some time with your brother."

"But Dad I've made plans for the holidays ............" she started to object

"Don't argue Wisty ........... just do it!!!"

Wisty stormed off into her room slamming the door, that girl has my temper, I can hear her throwing stuff about in her room and she's shouting stuff I should really go in there and have a go at her for.  My head is too mashed and I wouldn't be safe opening her door.

I slowly slid down the wall until I'm sat on the floor.

Oh Fudge - what am I going to do now??!!

I can't hate Manderine - because I love her..



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Song:  "Outta My Head"  by Daughtry

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